i've finally received my pay since i left Babies Inc. I am so terribly broke with my dear for months. Now i am a lil' richer and settled some of my bills/ debts, there goes my $$ again *fly*

It's approaching aug and i can't wait for mid-aug cos i'll be taking a new class N1. I am not getting along well with my chi teacher, i cant stand her way of treating the children and does she know the meaning of respect? I have chose to close one eye since 1st july till now. she's getting from bad to worse with her mood swings and black face.

Congratulations to dear on getting a job! It may be just a temp job but look on the bright side! It may lead u to somewhere with a stable job and income. It's still better than slacking at home.

i'll be busy with some school events like photo-taking sessions, national day celebration and not sure about graduation ceremony yet. Hope i wun be involved! *pray hard* wahaha.. all teachers hate Graduation Day! dun ask me why.. u should know it.. =P

More birthdays are coming up this aug which makes me even more broke.. and most importantly, dear's one is approaching! haven got a gift for him.. wad should i get? ideas keep rolling in..!! hehe!

i encountered some hiccups in my new employment after i tendered. i was worried, considering that i am out of job as i did not sign the new employment papers then. The new emploment had some conditions which was not stated as agreed earlier on. i felt being cheated and decided not to join them. I was neither here nor there.. so worried as my financial is getting low.

luckily my principal approached me today and asked me to stay on. We had a talk and I have decided to stay on despite of the downsides of this centre.

Hope that dear & I can braved through this tough period and everything goes on smoothly. Tk care peePz! =)

my "LOVE NUMBER"

You go from one emotion to another so fast and so often, it's hard to keep track! but you are intelligent. You are also bold and daring, and you enjoy the finer things in life.

--> Your love match: A man who can accept that he may not be your no.1 priority <--

haha.. duno how true is it??

anyway i will be resigning from my current position as i will be joining another centre.. Hope things will be better although journey will be further..

finally its weekends again! i just started my new job for a week... i did not like it the first day of work.. the school system, my co-colleague, staff communication system and many other complaints. I had the intention of leaving after that first day but i decided to give myself and the school few weeks before i make a decision again.

Now, i am still adapting but i dun like my colleagues, they backstab each other in front of me and keep complaining abt each other which is making me mad, i don't wish to be involved in it at all. I am still considering about this job and the principal from Ace@work actually called me up and asked if i am still available. haha.. too bad she called so late while i am trying to adapt already. she should have called on the first july and most probably i will join her then. on the other hand, my current unit head and principal are very pleased with my performance and was hoping that i could stay on permanently *i crossed my fingers 1st* do not wish to make any commitments at this point of time.

think i am too stressed with this job that even my friends and dear are stating so.. i am more quiet and not as lively as before.. my appetite are so bad now.. haiZ.. hope this is just the starting, if not it will be a very bad thing.

Juz some updates for my current life as i will be starting on my assignment soon which is due on 25th july.. not 27th july.. blur me.. tk carez!

I had dinner at dear's house yesterday. It was his mum's birthday. We bought a present for his mum- bird's nest from Yu Yan Sen. I was abit tired from all the running as i left house around 4 den went to alter my pants, needed them for work. Then i went WestMall to buy the present and bought some hair clips for work.
The steamboat dinner was yummy. Long time since i had home cooked food again. How i miss them~ I had alot of rice cuz his sis and dear gave some to me. haha.. i was like a 'fan tong'! I was quite full after finishing the rice and his mum gave me soup~ my stomach was bloated! Cant finish anymore~
We watched War of the Worlds after dinner. The movie was not bad but the ending really sucks. It is abit lame cuz Tom Cruise was doing some impossible action while running away from the alien. It was touching though~ on our way back, my old thoughts returned.. i was afraid of losing my loved ones as i teared.. I once had a dream of losing my dearest aunt & uncle and the reality of losing my grandma years ago. I am really afraid...

i've been a good gal at home! wahha.. been helping out to clear up the house and mopping the floor... aiming to get a new washing machine cos i duno how to operate this old antique machine... thus can only do hand-washing of clothes..

but actually.. i been rotting pretty well at home.. been staying at home and only meet my dear for dinner... i am getting a lil' bored and always having funny ideas to get some fun out there.. like going to the beach.. cycling.. kayaking... or whatever tat is fun! haha.. anyone wanna acc me?

i better collect the necklace i have sent for sevicing before they call me up.. hehe.. excuse to go out and shop..but too bad my wallet can only accomodate window shopping now.. is tat consider as retail therapy too? hope so.. to ease my fun-loving nature! blEahZ!

my feelings

i just read my buddy's blog.. actually i realised that i am no different either.. i duno what's my aim in life already.. i lost it.. somewhere.. somehow.. i am lost in my world of confusion..

i have alot of things going thru my mind right now.. my past.. my present and my future.. am i happy right now? will i be happy in future? will i be able to find happiness in the things i do?

i am in search of the answers... in every moment of my life..

wad makes me felt really disheartening was something that i came across from one of my loved ones.. have i really changed? changed to a different person whom he no longer can communicate with or rather i have chosen to keep everything to myself thus portraying a different me?

i really duno cos i am lost myself too.. where's my direction..

thanks to all my dear friends for their care and concerns! I am alright now =)

btw, i have found a new job as a teacher in a childcare centre.. will be starting work on 1st July. Officially a teacher now as it requires some teaching and i would have hearing 'Teacher Caroline' from my kids! can't wait to see who and how my kids will be but i am a lil' anxious and worried about the job nature and whether i'll be able to work along with my colleagues well. Hope everything goes on fine

I'm so broke, need to spend more $$ on clothings and my current wardrobe needs some clearing space for my formal working wear. hahaz! have an uneasy feeling about this whole new job.. better dun think too much!

Miss my dear as he must be snoring like a pig.. hope my friend tonton gets well soon!
tk care friends!

i am definitely going mad soon as this rate that i am going n tearing till my pillow is soaked wet..
crying silently as i dun wish to wake my mum up...
my heart is tearing much more den my eyes are doing..

it really hurts as i could feel the pain in ur heart..
now my heart is not in pain only for myself but for you too..
i am losing grip of myself as i am waiting frantically for ur calls..

why am i behaving this way..
i am afraid to lose u...
i was reminded of the past..
i dun wish things would happen again..
i dun wanna locked my heart once again and throw the key far away...
i am so afraid.. i wish u were right here with me, holding me deep in ur arms and whispering
'i love you dear'

as my tears rolled down cos i noe its not possible..

feeling..

my heart is wrecking into bits and pieces like wad he is going thru..
it hurts n pains alot..
i hate myself even more...
why am i always hurting ppl who loves me and holds me so dearly to their heart..

i hope to put a stop to everything..
stop hurting them..
stop causing them pain..
stop bringing them to misery...
put an end to all these agony in them...

i am not worthy of all ur love, care and concern...
not at all..

i hate myself..
why bring me to this world to inflict pain on others...
i hate it this way..
why cant just let me leave this world..
let me leave...