rotting..

basically.. i have been doing nothing constructive the whole day.. woke up.. play game, surf net, eat, sleep and play game till now.. so bored.. my dear so sad n disappointed with the game disc he bought from malaysia.. it got hanged at the last part... so we did not get to know the ending of the story after playing the whole day..
haiz.. school is starting soon yet i have done nothing about my assignment which is due on 9th jan.. wait to die.. haha...duno why but just cant get myself to start doing it.. the 1st time that i lost confidence in the things i do.. no mood + no confidence... hope i can get it started soon... getting tired after doing nothing the whole day... its better to be occupied than rotting away as my mindat least will works.. but my mind is just like a retarded now.. too lazy to move and think... hope things get better as the days goes by..

my tears, feelings n thoughts..

hehe.. finally i am back from my aunt's place... my dear must have missed me alot from his blogs... it seems tat he had enjoyed life while i was away =P i have stayed over her place for the past few days with slow connection thus did not blog anything. but it was a stay which had involved lots of my inner feelings and thoughts... i had not spend much time with my aunt and uncle for the past whole year.. felt guilty as they dote on me alot as though i am their own child. on christmas day, i was over at my uncle's mum place for house warming... it was so crowded and all the children had grown up.. there were even some addition of young children.. how time flies. but as the children grow up, the adults are not getting any younger.. i saw my uncle sitting there quietly and listening to their conversation. suddenly.. i had the urge to cry, feeling that he had indeed grown older with all the lines on his face but his heart was still the same.. he loves me as much though i did not spend time with them... i felt like apologising to them for my wrongs.. i decided to accompany them for days as they missed me alot too...
over the few days, i did not really do anything much as they were busy- my aunt was busy with her tuition kids while my uncle worked.. i had to find things to keep myself occupied... it was only in the night when we had chance to spend time together.. we would chat about our lives and the future...
they had gone thru alot... my aunt had to tolerate with her injured hand and continue to work for a living.. my uncle had a big sore at the back of his feet and seeing him limping out of the room made me feels so sad.. they were catching up on age... i wondered how much more time do they have with us.. i am so afraid of losing them... like i lost my grandma few yrs back... all i can do now is to accompany them more often and massage all their pains away..

today i had a gathering with my relatives.. we ate at a restaurant in chinatown.. all of us chatted and joked happily.. after the dinner, we decided to head back home.. before we separate.. i decided to thank my third aunt for all the things she had done for my family during this crucial period of time.. my famiyl went thru a rough patch all these yrs and this year was the worst... she was all along there.. supporting us emotionally and financially... i wanted to thank her from the bottom of my heart... as i approach her.. i thanked her for all her help but she said all that was nothing.. suddenly i thought: how could all these things be nothing when she had done so much for my family.. i just hugged her and cried... i couldn't say anything else to thank her so much.. she just patted me on my head and said nothing... as i turned ard, i saw my aunt's eyes turned red.. i just did not have the chance to really thank everyone in my family for their help... but i hope they know..
on my way back to the mrt.. tears was rolling down my cheek as i recalled the past years.. times was really tough as i had to cope with all the problems and responsibilities.. from family, friends, relations and personal problems.. the whole world seems to be crushing down on me...sometimes i felt like giving up but whenever i think of what they have done for me n my family.. mine was nt compared to them... i just had to hold up my courage and walked on in life... i seem to be a wandering soul.. wandering all the way back home.. thinking about the past.. i just hope things will get better for the new year.. sad to say.. i could not hold my tears and broke down in my room... i felt better and had to get a hold of myself to get things done... i guessed all these obstacles have made me a stronger gal over the yrs.. i want to ensure that my family would have a better life when they gets older... as i am willing to take on the responsibility for life- for my aunties and uncles who have cared so much for me and always been there for me..

last of all.. happy anniversary dear.. loveya always..

tired...x'mas

its already 5.56am in the morning.. merry x'mas to all and yet i am still awake. i am dead beat after doing my web for so many hours. thru trial & error, i try to make my gallery link works and did all sorts of things with it. this is the first time that i am making a successful website myself which i am proud of. at least it looks nice & feels soothing to my eyes but my eyes hardly can open now.
tomorrow or rather few hrs later, i have activities going on.. duno if i can survive anot without falling asleep or mention the word "tired". i guess i definitely need to catch some sleep now before i get panda eyes the next morning. got to go now.. gd nite to all and enjoy yourselves!

enjoyful night... memories

*yawN*i just woke up after a deep sleep at my dear place. I had stayed up the whole night at my pri sch friend's place and we chatted throughout. thinking about how i ended up at her place, i was quite angry about it. we were suppose to have a pri sch gathering at bugis but when i was on my way, my friend just called me up and told me the whole thing was cancelled. i was stranded halfway with my neighbour-cum-pri sch friend, raymond. so both of us were like fools, wondering around west mall and jurong point just to meet two of our pri sch friends. from 6.45pm, we toured till 10.30pm just to wait for my friend meiyun after work! it was such a long time-4hrs doing nt but wondering ard!

but we had a wonderful night, talking about the past and all the notty things that we had done. haha, how times flies. yunrui be going to perth for further studies in feb, meiyan now in nus, raymond going to ns next year n meiyun still surviving in poly.. hehe.. well. how about me? i'll be a teacher next july soon after i graduate! oh gosh.. hard to imagine that i be a teacher and face children! haha! we have all grown up!

yesterday, i had quite a shock seeing yunrui.. she has turned into such a pretty gal now! remembering last time, we all looked the sam: "orbi"! haha! i guessed things will changed but glad tat we had not changed abit- maybe our mindset may changed but not our friendships that have lasted. friends forever!

today is christmas eve- but i had nowhere to go in mind~ guessed maybe rot at home and enjoy the homely feeling! hehe.. shall update abt my christmas night again.

merry christmas to all! =)