I had dinner at dear's house yesterday. It was his mum's birthday. We bought a present for his mum- bird's nest from Yu Yan Sen. I was abit tired from all the running as i left house around 4 den went to alter my pants, needed them for work. Then i went WestMall to buy the present and bought some hair clips for work.
The steamboat dinner was yummy. Long time since i had home cooked food again. How i miss them~ I had alot of rice cuz his sis and dear gave some to me. haha.. i was like a 'fan tong'! I was quite full after finishing the rice and his mum gave me soup~ my stomach was bloated! Cant finish anymore~
We watched War of the Worlds after dinner. The movie was not bad but the ending really sucks. It is abit lame cuz Tom Cruise was doing some impossible action while running away from the alien. It was touching though~ on our way back, my old thoughts returned.. i was afraid of losing my loved ones as i teared.. I once had a dream of losing my dearest aunt & uncle and the reality of losing my grandma years ago. I am really afraid...

i've been a good gal at home! wahha.. been helping out to clear up the house and mopping the floor... aiming to get a new washing machine cos i duno how to operate this old antique machine... thus can only do hand-washing of clothes..

but actually.. i been rotting pretty well at home.. been staying at home and only meet my dear for dinner... i am getting a lil' bored and always having funny ideas to get some fun out there.. like going to the beach.. cycling.. kayaking... or whatever tat is fun! haha.. anyone wanna acc me?

i better collect the necklace i have sent for sevicing before they call me up.. hehe.. excuse to go out and shop..but too bad my wallet can only accomodate window shopping now.. is tat consider as retail therapy too? hope so.. to ease my fun-loving nature! blEahZ!

my feelings

i just read my buddy's blog.. actually i realised that i am no different either.. i duno what's my aim in life already.. i lost it.. somewhere.. somehow.. i am lost in my world of confusion..

i have alot of things going thru my mind right now.. my past.. my present and my future.. am i happy right now? will i be happy in future? will i be able to find happiness in the things i do?

i am in search of the answers... in every moment of my life..

wad makes me felt really disheartening was something that i came across from one of my loved ones.. have i really changed? changed to a different person whom he no longer can communicate with or rather i have chosen to keep everything to myself thus portraying a different me?

i really duno cos i am lost myself too.. where's my direction..

thanks to all my dear friends for their care and concerns! I am alright now =)

btw, i have found a new job as a teacher in a childcare centre.. will be starting work on 1st July. Officially a teacher now as it requires some teaching and i would have hearing 'Teacher Caroline' from my kids! can't wait to see who and how my kids will be but i am a lil' anxious and worried about the job nature and whether i'll be able to work along with my colleagues well. Hope everything goes on fine

I'm so broke, need to spend more $$ on clothings and my current wardrobe needs some clearing space for my formal working wear. hahaz! have an uneasy feeling about this whole new job.. better dun think too much!

Miss my dear as he must be snoring like a pig.. hope my friend tonton gets well soon!
tk care friends!

i am definitely going mad soon as this rate that i am going n tearing till my pillow is soaked wet..
crying silently as i dun wish to wake my mum up...
my heart is tearing much more den my eyes are doing..

it really hurts as i could feel the pain in ur heart..
now my heart is not in pain only for myself but for you too..
i am losing grip of myself as i am waiting frantically for ur calls..

why am i behaving this way..
i am afraid to lose u...
i was reminded of the past..
i dun wish things would happen again..
i dun wanna locked my heart once again and throw the key far away...
i am so afraid.. i wish u were right here with me, holding me deep in ur arms and whispering
'i love you dear'

as my tears rolled down cos i noe its not possible..

feeling..

my heart is wrecking into bits and pieces like wad he is going thru..
it hurts n pains alot..
i hate myself even more...
why am i always hurting ppl who loves me and holds me so dearly to their heart..

i hope to put a stop to everything..
stop hurting them..
stop causing them pain..
stop bringing them to misery...
put an end to all these agony in them...

i am not worthy of all ur love, care and concern...
not at all..

i hate myself..
why bring me to this world to inflict pain on others...
i hate it this way..
why cant just let me leave this world..
let me leave...

job scouting..

I am officially out of job now!!! haha!! finally out of that place which holds so many of my darlings especially my Andrew and Lee-Lynn.. Its my 2nd day out of there and i am starting to miss them already..

I woke up yesterday afternoon, realising that i am jobless.. started to get worried and stressed.. no job = no $$= no bread= no enjoyment in life... haIz.. den i called up centres and looked in the ad.. went for 2 interviews today.. in the last minute, i went for another interview.. i loves this 3rd place but u noe.. looks can be deceiving... wahha! tomorrow i will be having another interview.. linxian said i am mad.. going thru so much interviews and make sure that i wun get the places mixed up becos i am BLUR!! am i really that blur.. dun think so.. =P

But i am getting worried cos i have too much choices and duno which one to go for.. hope to get some advice from my dear but think he too busy with his own graduation and job scouting too!! hope he can find a job soon!! *praying very hard*

take care my dear friends!! i am currently enjoying my jobless life while preparing hard for my exams on 11th june *cross my fingers*

CareZ!