i am such a happy gal now!! gt my pay already & the 1st thing came to my mind is to pamper myself!! wahhaa!! i actually wanted to go UOB cash deposit machine but the queue was too long and i gave up the idea, instead i went westmall for a walk. in the end, i went home with these great buys which i adores especially this pair of shoes which cost only $20!!

it is so sweet which can be kept into a compact pouch and is especially gd for travelling purposes!

i bought this bra set after trying so many other designs and finally settled for this, my usual black colour bra! hehe! my next target would be a red bra set as the auntie told me i should wear red intimate on chinese new year eve to bring good luck for a new year!! i need more luck!!

will have to curb my spending already as chinese new year is approaching and i have not get any clothing yet! more spending to come & my bills..oHhhh.. i dread bills...

sorry for this late post about my christmas celebration. i went out with linhui, mervyn, qibin, fu, kenny, hansen and of cos my dear too!! we went suntec to have dinner at Ichiban Boshi, a Jap restaurant which me & my buddies frequent whenever we meet up; with affordable pricing and nice ambience. We spent a total of abt $200 on dinner.

Next we went arcade to play games, and of cos i wun miss the soft toy section! me & dear tried to get a soft toy and finally got this!!

can you imagine that dear spend abt $80 just in the arcade as we play game and trying to get one soft toy. Thanks dear!

after that we walked around, looking for a pub to chill out. we ended up at Esplanade- Aria Bistro & Wine as we drank beer and talk. Think we left around 2am as we strolled to Boat Quay. It was difficult to get a cab as the clubbers were heading home too as the pubs close. we ended up waiting at the bus-stop to head back to Bukit Batok and we took a cab back to dear's place.

On Christmas day, i went over to Xiuwen's place for her baby's 1st month. Her baby was soo cute and look exactly like her dad! wahha! how i miss my babies at Babies Inc too.

Did not manage to take any photos as noone brought along a DC.. too bad... =) but had a great time! thanks dear & friends! hope to enjoy my new year celebration soon!!

advance merry x'mas to all!! had our x'mas celebration in school with songs, games & exchange of gifts! children came in party clothes and brought along a gift~ they enjoyed themselves though it was messy in the celebration. yesterday i was busy preparing their gifts for all the children and teachers...

my children!!
my presents!! more to come!! =P

was a lil sad when i was clearing my classroom as i would be moving to the 2nd level next week. the teachers are all separated to the different units as auntie cindy gave us a treat for farewell meal.. she is left alone on the 1st level... can see that she is upset..

i have a mixed feeling as i would be working with another new unit head and colleagues.. hope everything goes well as i cross my fingers.. received some bad news though.. =) anyway, is another new year!!

was down with stomach flu on friday nite after recovering from flu.. haIz.. when will i stop falling ill?? 4 out of my 9 children was down and did not attend school on friday, the teachers envy me- enjoying life with only 5 children in class.. wahaha!! Think stomach flu virus is spreading widely in my level.. hope everything goes well!!

wanted to catch Perhaps Love on friday but some ppl flew aeroplane, just as well.. i rested at home and slept thru the nite.. woke up at 10+ on sat morning!! such a nice deep slp.. i spent the whole morning watching tv and managed to get myself out of the house for a kid's bday bash at Babies Inc Tanjong Katong...

some "courtesy" pic from my friend

Our 3 yrs old birthday princess!!

With Timmy's brother.. dunno-how-to-spell-his-name but it sounds like this "bar-ner-bess"

met up alot of the parents and children.. woah.. they have all grown up and could speak so well now!! miss all my darlings (Lee Ling, Andrew, Joy Joy etc..) in Babies Inc Bt Timah
loves them to bits & pieces!! muackz!!

I watched King Kong with my dear after the bday bash.. i was trying hard to open my eyes for the 3 hrs show!! i finished the show at 3.15AM.. imagine how tired i was.. it is a nice show though the storyline at the beginning was a lil' lengthy.. worth watching after all!

i wanna watch Perhaps Love & The Promise!! <-- dear dear.. see this!!?? hehe!! =P

how true is this test? hehe.. up to u to guess..

i am waiting for the clinic to open as i am have lost the battle to the virus... down with flu (blocked nose & ears); sore & dry throat & my 'auntie visit'...haiz.. been tossing around in bed till morningt as i could not breathe properly, kept coughing & having cramps..

bless me with gd health pls!! i am on MC almost every mth since i started working at this place.. is it the place or just me??

You are Woodstock! Which Peanuts Character are You?

thanks for all ur concerns~ my hammy is alright. he just had an eye infection which cost me $32 (reasonable pricing though). His eyes are clear now!! no worries!!

my graduation concert is finally over!! whether its gd or bad, its just over!! hurray!! my principal said my children had done well which i doubt so =P but they should be the happiest as they do not need to practise anymore which we have been practising practically everyday for the past 2 mths.. boring~~ siGh~

but i am down with flu again.. arGh~~ my nose and ears are blocked, hardly can hear.. breathing thru my mouth only...hope i get better if not i have to 'donate' to the doc again *broke broke* & with 3 & more birthdays to go!!! waHaha!!!

i am feeling so upset now.. my poor hammy is sick.. his eye is swollen and cant open.. i am so scare.. afraid tat he might be dying cos he is more than a yr old and a hamster lifespan is about 18 months.. the shop owner told me maybe his days are nearing and the doc might ask me to put him to slp if he's suffering.. a life that we are talking about although its a small animal but he's there everyday...i brought him home, gave him a home and got lots of toys for him, afraid that he might be lonely as he's alone..

he is a significance of my memories in life, the days i went through, those people who have appear and gradually being missed out of my life.. the path i have chosen and walked through till now...

suddenly i felt that death is so near to us. i was reminded of my granny, how i have lost her... i am so afraid to lose my baby too.. dear told me that keeping a pet is like that moreover a hamster life is only 2 yrs.. so fast 2 yrs is reaching... although it might just be an infection to comfort myself but i know very well that he will be leaving me soon... very soon..

hope he will be alright as i'll bring him to the vet tml.. pls bless him..

Your Seduction Style: Prized Object

The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get.You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them.The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase. You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away.You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance.Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't! You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors. Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor. You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

i have just attended my vice-principal wedding dinner on Sunday which was held at Furama City Center. It was a simple afffair with about 20 tables. I was banging my head what to wear for her wedding as i heard that most of them will be in formal wear which i dun't think so. I think i am overdressed but its alright as i enjoyed myself to the food! wahhaa~ sinned again! (no wonder we are buddies, u-know-who-u-are =P)

didn't manage to take any photos of the wedding as you know, aunties lar! they dun wanna take photos so i am left out, feeling so OLD.. I am only 21, mind you!

i managed to reach home before 12, thanks to my colleague's husband! if not, i might be home around 1+ if i took public transport which i don't think i would =P


noone took pics with me, so only pics of me =(
smile again!


I am considering to get a DC, torn between Panasonic FX8 or Casio Exilim Z500 or Canon IXUS55. any recommendations are most welcome!

Just came back from a conference with my lecturer about my research paper.. I felt so demoralize as it seems to be getting nowhere!

with these tight schedules, dun think I'll be able to enjoy my Christmas and new year holidays,

Dec 05- graduation concert & research implementation
Jan 06- Project review paper
Feb- collate & analyze data
Mar- research draft
Apr- paper submission

seriously, I need a good break with spare cash on hand so that I can go shopping!! haha.. Looking forward to it!! Hurray!!

some imaginary treat for myself to get moving! Cheers!

i am getting fatter!! arGh!!! went for a Hari Raya visit at Nadia's place (dear's colleague), i ate lots of food while they keep chatting about their work which is all about chemical terms which i dun understand at all! so i entertained myself by helping to the food on the table.. seriously i was constantly eating since we arrived till we left.. his colleagues were nice people, very friendly though we were shy initially.. i was too tired or rather too full to travel all the way down to JP from CCK.. so we flagged a cab and dropped dear at his place before i head over to lx's place..

as usual i was the last one to arrive, they were busy helping out with lx's concert prop and i joined in. lx's mum prepared all the food stuffs for us as we were busy. upon completion, we had steamboat where we chatted and laughed at sihui's lame jokes, she seems to have got drunk even without a drop of alchohol!! wahaha.. really lame and we couldn't stop laughing.. we kept eating till we finished the steamboat and lx's mum brought out a hot plate and we continued with bacon and chicken.. imagine how much food we had!!

then i went over to railway mall to have a drink with dear, tonton, jinhuang & hansen.. it was a quick one as we rushed over to WM to catch a movie.. i only had a few sips and dear finished it all when i was in the toilet.. arGh!!! long time since we had a drink.. anyway went to catch the show, Tom Yum Goong, a Thai show.. i almost fell asleep.. there was totally no storylinel.. only went on fighting and fighting, only in search for 2 elephants.. *jaws dropped* a lil lame and stupid show.. dun catch it unless you have the spare cash or nt to do at all.. i wanna watach Sky High! might be lame but definitely better than this Tom Yum show!

i drop dead immediately when we went back to dear's place.. slept through the morning till 1pm++.. and here i am.. blogging.. hehe! =P

i can feel the fat(ness) around my waist.. pls someone out there.. help me to lose weight!!! else i wun be able to fit into the dress for my vice-principal's wedding dinner!! help!! lose weight lose weight!!

long time since i last blog.. did i mention that dear and i have got ourselves two new hammy? yeAh! we named them nikki and nisha.. they are so adorable although nikki is more aggressive and i managed to bring nisha out of her house to play! yAy! felt some kinda achievement in me! blEahz! =P

we spent alot of $$ this month and its only like 6th of nov.. we still left 24 days to go.. think we got to live on bread for the rest of this month.. sobZ soBz!

but we are very happy with our new love, Nikki & Nisha.. i miss them loads though i just met them few hours ago.. we bought them lots of toys and accessories.. especially dear spent a fotune just on their beddings.. wad pampered hammy they are! envy them!!

hhee! really must learn to save up if not how to survive.. i still got a wedding dinner to attend next week.. i'm sooo broke!!

miss my nikki & nisha so much.. & not to forget my dear too! muackz muackz!

I am down with flu (influenza) again..
i've been unwell the past week, took medication & thought things would turn better..
but had fever when i woke up this morning.. =(
Doc asked me to monitor my condition, afraid that it would be an internal infection...
spent almost $50!!!

Haiz.. my income is always donated to the doctors!
Help!! i seriously need to look for a friend who is a doctor so that i can get discount! blEahZ!
Gt to go.. feeling drowsy.. seeing stars..

sorry for not updating my blog for quite some time already.
i am currently busy with my work, reports, graduation concerts at these moments. alot of things on hand which i have not touched at all.

anyway i have just been to the zoo last weekend~ haha! to relax myself as well as a mini catchup with my friend tonton who has enlisted on 7th oct.
i am lazy to post the pics here and thus the link here.

tk care friends!
and thanks for ppl who have shown me care over the last few posts where i have been feeling down.. cheers!

I have been feeling lousy these few weeks, have not been my usual self and things happen unexpectedly over the weekends. alot of things went through my mind; thinking back on these few years and my personal growth.

I do not know why but i am getting tired of things around me. There are many things which i want to let go, in search of my own self. What do i want in life, what am i going to do and will my life continue to be like this? i do not know.

I even have the urge of handling in my resignation letter, i am not happy nor satisfied at all. My heart is feeling so heavy and down, i wish to leave this job in search of another one, not sure whether it will be in this field anot. There are so many things i wish to find out for the answers as my heart is telling me to go ahead and do what i want but my mind is being logical that i cannot do all these cause i will have to face a serious consequence in future.

Dear, i am sorry for everything, for hurting you, for causing the misery in you, for breaking your heart again. Jus wanna let you know that i have lost myself too at this point of time, hope that i would get myself back again and stand up to walk towards the future. I wun give up and is willing to give it a try again although we do not know the outcome. Loveya...

i was down with a bad sore throat and lost my voice when i woke up this morning. i went to the doc and he said it was due to nose sensitivity which caused the sore throat. now i am on antibiotics again together with my previous medication. i felt like a 'medicine box' with loads of pills and tablets going into me.. haiZ


i went to meet my lecturer this evening to discuss about my research topic, finally had it done with his help: in wad way can an indoor & outdoor envt help to develop chn's language devt? hope tat i will have an outdoor area in my new unit, if not i would need to setup an outdoor envt in my classroom. can imagine how messy it would be and the look on my aunite cleaner. haha...


cant wait for fri to end and i would have finish my class. its tiring having to rush to and fro for both work and lesson. moreover its my dear's bday on fri! muackZ! although i wun be able to celebrate with him on fri becos he would be working on tat night and my class ends at 10pm, hope he would enjoy his bday celebration on sat night!


hurray to FrIdaY!! wahha! gtg.. feeling drowsy after the medication..byeZ

my night classes will be starting tommorow and i will be busy these 2 consecutive weeks. I am feeling the stress as it becomes heavier. I am worried that i wun be able to cope as these 2 modules are important- i need to select a topic to do my research on.


on the other hand, my work is stressing me too. my new teacher will be coming in which means i'll be changing to the new class soon- Nursery 1. I am supposed to be happy to leave my current class due to my chinese teacher but i am getting a lil stressed because of my studies. Wtih a new class, i got lots of things to do- building bonds with the new children and parents, doing up my classroom environment, understand the N1 curriculum and adapting to a new class.


My last day of class will be on 26 August and i will be taking the new class on 1st Sept. I have a report due on 2nd Sept. There are so many things that i need to cope with and adapt all over again. Pls give me strength to walk through these...



*P.S : do you understand what's going on my mind, i know that you wun cause i did not tell u. everytime i wanna share with you, you raised ur voice which makes me scared and have second thoughts. I really duno how to face you instead of keeping things to myself. I broke down in front of you because i feel at ease with you and hope to release the tension in me. But things did not turn out this way, i controlled my tears and i swallowed it again. I left because u told me someone would be unhappy not because i wanna leave you alone. I need someone with me and i miss u dearly cos i noe u wun be able to acc me which i nv blame you at all. I just want a hug from you for a sense of comfort and assurance. that's all i want.

here i am feeling lost, frustrated and upset with myself. i really doesn't know what's wrong with me.. i have been so quick-tempered and rebellious now. I hate the way things are especially myself!

I feel like giving up everything and lose grip of whatever i am holding onto.. i just feel so tired.. i need a rest desperately..

I just read through some of my previous posts since last year till now.. how much i have went through and how much i have grown? tears rolled down as i recalled those memories.

i realise that i have lost 'myself' once again.. which is the real me and what am i doing everyday and what about the rest of my life? seriously, i doesn't know the answer. i felt that i have changed alot during these period of time. i am less tolerance towards my family which i felt very bad and i have drawn away from them. I wish to find out and understand what's happening to me and what caused the change in me.. help!

i've finally received my pay since i left Babies Inc. I am so terribly broke with my dear for months. Now i am a lil' richer and settled some of my bills/ debts, there goes my $$ again *fly*

It's approaching aug and i can't wait for mid-aug cos i'll be taking a new class N1. I am not getting along well with my chi teacher, i cant stand her way of treating the children and does she know the meaning of respect? I have chose to close one eye since 1st july till now. she's getting from bad to worse with her mood swings and black face.

Congratulations to dear on getting a job! It may be just a temp job but look on the bright side! It may lead u to somewhere with a stable job and income. It's still better than slacking at home.

i'll be busy with some school events like photo-taking sessions, national day celebration and not sure about graduation ceremony yet. Hope i wun be involved! *pray hard* wahaha.. all teachers hate Graduation Day! dun ask me why.. u should know it.. =P

More birthdays are coming up this aug which makes me even more broke.. and most importantly, dear's one is approaching! haven got a gift for him.. wad should i get? ideas keep rolling in..!! hehe!

i encountered some hiccups in my new employment after i tendered. i was worried, considering that i am out of job as i did not sign the new employment papers then. The new emploment had some conditions which was not stated as agreed earlier on. i felt being cheated and decided not to join them. I was neither here nor there.. so worried as my financial is getting low.

luckily my principal approached me today and asked me to stay on. We had a talk and I have decided to stay on despite of the downsides of this centre.

Hope that dear & I can braved through this tough period and everything goes on smoothly. Tk care peePz! =)

my "LOVE NUMBER"

You go from one emotion to another so fast and so often, it's hard to keep track! but you are intelligent. You are also bold and daring, and you enjoy the finer things in life.

--> Your love match: A man who can accept that he may not be your no.1 priority <--

haha.. duno how true is it??

anyway i will be resigning from my current position as i will be joining another centre.. Hope things will be better although journey will be further..

finally its weekends again! i just started my new job for a week... i did not like it the first day of work.. the school system, my co-colleague, staff communication system and many other complaints. I had the intention of leaving after that first day but i decided to give myself and the school few weeks before i make a decision again.

Now, i am still adapting but i dun like my colleagues, they backstab each other in front of me and keep complaining abt each other which is making me mad, i don't wish to be involved in it at all. I am still considering about this job and the principal from Ace@work actually called me up and asked if i am still available. haha.. too bad she called so late while i am trying to adapt already. she should have called on the first july and most probably i will join her then. on the other hand, my current unit head and principal are very pleased with my performance and was hoping that i could stay on permanently *i crossed my fingers 1st* do not wish to make any commitments at this point of time.

think i am too stressed with this job that even my friends and dear are stating so.. i am more quiet and not as lively as before.. my appetite are so bad now.. haiZ.. hope this is just the starting, if not it will be a very bad thing.

Juz some updates for my current life as i will be starting on my assignment soon which is due on 25th july.. not 27th july.. blur me.. tk carez!

I had dinner at dear's house yesterday. It was his mum's birthday. We bought a present for his mum- bird's nest from Yu Yan Sen. I was abit tired from all the running as i left house around 4 den went to alter my pants, needed them for work. Then i went WestMall to buy the present and bought some hair clips for work.
The steamboat dinner was yummy. Long time since i had home cooked food again. How i miss them~ I had alot of rice cuz his sis and dear gave some to me. haha.. i was like a 'fan tong'! I was quite full after finishing the rice and his mum gave me soup~ my stomach was bloated! Cant finish anymore~
We watched War of the Worlds after dinner. The movie was not bad but the ending really sucks. It is abit lame cuz Tom Cruise was doing some impossible action while running away from the alien. It was touching though~ on our way back, my old thoughts returned.. i was afraid of losing my loved ones as i teared.. I once had a dream of losing my dearest aunt & uncle and the reality of losing my grandma years ago. I am really afraid...

i've been a good gal at home! wahha.. been helping out to clear up the house and mopping the floor... aiming to get a new washing machine cos i duno how to operate this old antique machine... thus can only do hand-washing of clothes..

but actually.. i been rotting pretty well at home.. been staying at home and only meet my dear for dinner... i am getting a lil' bored and always having funny ideas to get some fun out there.. like going to the beach.. cycling.. kayaking... or whatever tat is fun! haha.. anyone wanna acc me?

i better collect the necklace i have sent for sevicing before they call me up.. hehe.. excuse to go out and shop..but too bad my wallet can only accomodate window shopping now.. is tat consider as retail therapy too? hope so.. to ease my fun-loving nature! blEahZ!

my feelings

i just read my buddy's blog.. actually i realised that i am no different either.. i duno what's my aim in life already.. i lost it.. somewhere.. somehow.. i am lost in my world of confusion..

i have alot of things going thru my mind right now.. my past.. my present and my future.. am i happy right now? will i be happy in future? will i be able to find happiness in the things i do?

i am in search of the answers... in every moment of my life..

wad makes me felt really disheartening was something that i came across from one of my loved ones.. have i really changed? changed to a different person whom he no longer can communicate with or rather i have chosen to keep everything to myself thus portraying a different me?

i really duno cos i am lost myself too.. where's my direction..

thanks to all my dear friends for their care and concerns! I am alright now =)

btw, i have found a new job as a teacher in a childcare centre.. will be starting work on 1st July. Officially a teacher now as it requires some teaching and i would have hearing 'Teacher Caroline' from my kids! can't wait to see who and how my kids will be but i am a lil' anxious and worried about the job nature and whether i'll be able to work along with my colleagues well. Hope everything goes on fine

I'm so broke, need to spend more $$ on clothings and my current wardrobe needs some clearing space for my formal working wear. hahaz! have an uneasy feeling about this whole new job.. better dun think too much!

Miss my dear as he must be snoring like a pig.. hope my friend tonton gets well soon!
tk care friends!

i am definitely going mad soon as this rate that i am going n tearing till my pillow is soaked wet..
crying silently as i dun wish to wake my mum up...
my heart is tearing much more den my eyes are doing..

it really hurts as i could feel the pain in ur heart..
now my heart is not in pain only for myself but for you too..
i am losing grip of myself as i am waiting frantically for ur calls..

why am i behaving this way..
i am afraid to lose u...
i was reminded of the past..
i dun wish things would happen again..
i dun wanna locked my heart once again and throw the key far away...
i am so afraid.. i wish u were right here with me, holding me deep in ur arms and whispering
'i love you dear'

as my tears rolled down cos i noe its not possible..

feeling..

my heart is wrecking into bits and pieces like wad he is going thru..
it hurts n pains alot..
i hate myself even more...
why am i always hurting ppl who loves me and holds me so dearly to their heart..

i hope to put a stop to everything..
stop hurting them..
stop causing them pain..
stop bringing them to misery...
put an end to all these agony in them...

i am not worthy of all ur love, care and concern...
not at all..

i hate myself..
why bring me to this world to inflict pain on others...
i hate it this way..
why cant just let me leave this world..
let me leave...

job scouting..

I am officially out of job now!!! haha!! finally out of that place which holds so many of my darlings especially my Andrew and Lee-Lynn.. Its my 2nd day out of there and i am starting to miss them already..

I woke up yesterday afternoon, realising that i am jobless.. started to get worried and stressed.. no job = no $$= no bread= no enjoyment in life... haIz.. den i called up centres and looked in the ad.. went for 2 interviews today.. in the last minute, i went for another interview.. i loves this 3rd place but u noe.. looks can be deceiving... wahha! tomorrow i will be having another interview.. linxian said i am mad.. going thru so much interviews and make sure that i wun get the places mixed up becos i am BLUR!! am i really that blur.. dun think so.. =P

But i am getting worried cos i have too much choices and duno which one to go for.. hope to get some advice from my dear but think he too busy with his own graduation and job scouting too!! hope he can find a job soon!! *praying very hard*

take care my dear friends!! i am currently enjoying my jobless life while preparing hard for my exams on 11th june *cross my fingers*

CareZ!

happy 21st birthday!

thanks to all my friends who attended my bday celebration at east coast for travelling all the way there.. thanks for all your blessings and pressie...loves some of the pressie received.. thanks to my dear and his friends for making it a success.. it had been a wonderful night as i met up wif many of them whom i have nv met for quite some time already..

wanna thanks to my dear for everything he has done for me.. he spent so much and done so much things for me.. thanks dear.. i appreciate it very much! loveya! muackz!

through this chalet and bday thingy, i have understood something in life.. everything tat i have received and heard makes me realise how much some of my friends actually value me in their heart.. cant deny tat i was disappointed over all these yrs of friendships.. this was what i received.. nv expect ppl to treat u the same way how u have treated them.. its nv fair.. i have always knew this but i chose to make this world looks more wonderful and not so disgusted.. but things have proved me wrong.. i am totally disappointed n upset...

something made me felt so sad n heart broken.. i wonder how mums who have went thru tat 9 months of pregnancy could forget her own child bday.. my heart shattered.. my eyes teared.. nt is worse den having to go thru that night pretending nt have happened when it was my actual bday.. i can nv forget this day of my life.. my 21st.. the day when every child enter another phrase of life into adulthood.. the day when every child would receive a key.. i was totally devastated..

no pc access!!

sorry for not updating for such a long time.. as my title suggests.. my monitor is down!! this time really died on me.. =(
i cant live on this world without my pc and mobilephone.. city ppl~ hehe!!

now using my friend's laptop.. lucky she is willing to lend for awhile..

btw, i will be celebrating my 21st bday at east coast chalet this sun 22nd may.. pls send me a msg for confirmation! thanks for it cos have not receive some replies though i have sent a few out!! hope to seeya there...

gtg liao.. so tired.. juz after work.. gt to change and head for class liao! tat's all peep! tk care!

stressed??

I just reached home after meeting my dear & friends to discuss abt the chalet.. as usual ended up discussing nt... duno wad they intend to do..
anyway i just read this email about stress, how true is it? am i carrying it for too long.. maybe.. maybe not.. up to you to analyse and think about it>>>

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 20 grams to 500 grams. The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax, pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!

...down again...

my immune system is once down again.. i am down with flu and body aches... feeling so lethergic & sick.. haiz..

too many unhappy things are happening around me... i hope everyone will be strong and hold on that happiness especially my buddy: love u buddy, we will always be here for u and be strong k?

i will be free in mid may.. i have finally tender.. a mixed feelings of happiness, sadness and confusion in my heart.. i know it will be a tough one month for us.. pray that i will have the strength to walk thru this and get on in life.. cheers!

..me..

An insensitive, insensible, selfish & self-centered gal who needs lots of assurance.. i lack sense of security which makes me wad i am today.. everything happening me is making me lost trust & faith in people around me especially my family.. i am just a gal who wants to be happy and think of myself only... and this is me..

so sweet of him~

i had a big fight with my bro yesterday night~ i am so pissed off and upset over this issue.. do i really have no place in this family and house anymore? i cant wait to move out and i had a long talk with my buddy over the phone. I understand that she cares alot for me.. but one thing for sure, i am tired of having to think for my family.. time to think for myself, my life and future.. u can say i am selfish or wadever.. but i wanna be myeslf!

anyway i am in my dear's house now.. he has went out to buy spagheti sauce cos the one in the house have spoilt. hehe.. so sweet of him to cook for me~ we are stuck in his house cos it was raining heavily and couldn't have our lunch outside. thanks & loveya dear~ muackz!

..my tears..

my heart aches when i saw you.. the smile on ur face was gone.. the crazy n fun loving u was not around.. i wish my hugs & kisses could soothe the pain in ur heart, free the troubles from ur mind & soul.. i wish i could do something for u.. but i cant.. i can only see u standing there strong and still loving me n wanna protect me with whatever u have...

my tears rolled when i turned around.. my heart aching.. aching n feeling pain for the one i love... loveya dear..

my poor thumb

i had a back pain yesterday night and wanted to use the hot water bag as instructed by the therapist. i was pouring the boiling water into the bag when thoughts came to my mind and i was not concentrating as i poured the water into my thumb. i saw the skin came off and rushed to the tap immediately. it was so painful and i was so afraid. i held on to my thumb and cried. i cried in front of my mum & bro, i couldn't control my tears at all this time round. then i realised tat i was not crying because of the pain but cos of the sadness within me. i just broke down uncontrollably... i msged my dear n buddy..

my dear came over immediately and rushed me to the doc although he was studying for his test~ sorry and loveya dear! thanks for being there for me~

i was not able to relieve the pain in my back but caused a pain at another area... wad the hell was i doing... i was nv like this no matter how things are, i have always been able to get hold of myself in any situation...

i got a shock just now as i received a msg from my pri sch friend that one of my classmate is geting married this may. oHhh... i couldn't imagine myself getting settled down at this age.. sO yoUng~

i miss my dear alot right now... he's tired from all the rushing the whole night.. poor him.. miss him terribly.. loveya~

tiring day

i rushed off work for my physio session.. met lin at the bus stop and decided to go for my lunch first. thinking that i wun be able to make it for the session at 3, i called up to postpone to 4pm instead.
i had a chat wif her, think i have somehow decided to call it quits.. i am tired of everything.. tired of having to face them.. tired of having to tolerate the pain..

today was quite a rushed physio sesion cos i was late.. reached there only to realise tat i dun hab cash wif me.. they dun accept nets at all.. i gt to search around the place for an ATM.. i am a total direction idiot.. moreover i was in a unfamiliar place.. haha.. trying to figure my way around..

today had a heart-to-heart talk wif the therapist... i shared abt my family, myself and work.. usually i dun share so much abt myself with unfamiliar ppl.. after the talking, he said he would use a flower to describe me: lotus. he said it was becos the lotus grew in a muddy and dirty environment but the flower grows so pure and pretty without any effects from its bad environment... he drew such a nice "picture" of whom he knew me..

at the end of the session, he told me truthfully that he wun be able to help me in long term cos he is there for me physically to provide these physio session but he said its all because of everything i am going through and having to shoulder all these which caused me to have the tensed up muscles. cos everyday i am facing stress & lots of emotional burden which cause my muscles lacking the opportunity to relax thus accumulating the pain .. its all emotional stress.. haiz..

thanks friends..

thanks to all my concerned friends... i am alright now.. i can only pass each day as they come.... i have chosen to keep all these troubles in a box and keep it far away in a corner of my heart and mind.. it is very tiring to keep pondering over all these issues and having being stressed up all over again and again.. now i just wish to live in happiness and laughter.. i cannot afford to break down and let those who loves and cares for me to be worried.. thanks peeps! =)

i have been busy nowadays and just submitted one of my assignment on last fri.. i rushed thru the whole morning and handed it in at the very last minute.. i hope i can get good grades for it though i got some naggings and scoldings from my dear dear for doing last minute work =P

the heaviest thing on my mind now is my health, i wish i can get well soon with the weekly physiotherapy session and hope that things would get better *pray hard*
i have been putting on weight as i been eating alot at night.. i know that it is unhealthy to indulge myself in food when i am already full but i think i am just stressed.. wanna eat to feel better but look at my body size.. arGh!! help!! time to lose weight again!!

i have promised dear dear no more ice-cream, chocolate & fried food for me... hope i can control myself.. haha.. =P *crossed my fingers*

i have 3 more assignments to go.. must be more hardworking liao... no more last min work for me!! i am suffering from the sleepless nights...feeling lethargic... hehe..

take care peeps.. i will smile and laughs more cos laughter is the best medicine! hahhaa! missya all!

pissed off!!

i am sOOooo freaking bloody pissed off now.. everything and everyone is like forcing me to the end of life... there is no way i can stay happy anymore.. in this fuking house... i leave this house, putting aside my troubles and want to enjoy myself.. even this rights of mine has been restricted.. i hate everything to the core... wad's the point of living then?

ppl say being happy and happiness is most important in life.. am i happy? am i satisfied? NO..No no.. definitely NO! my family and work are all driving me nuts!!! i am breaking down almost every night... even when my tears r not rolling down my cheeks.. my heart is aching every moment... why does my own family have to do this to me... if they doesn't care den so be it.. anyway i am used to it already... but why wanna do things this way.. i hate u all!

...feeling down...

these few weeks have been a tough one for me... from the day i broke up with my ex till now.. things have been happening which i can hardly cope.. from personal to friendships to work to health to kinship..

friendships have been affected and there is definitely emotional scars in everyone's heart.. we are not as close nor happy as before... my health is breaking down once again and things were not as good as before.. my report is out.. i fell out with my most respected aunt/uncle and family... i feel like quiting my job but i have more difficulties at hand...

at times i felt like giving up everthing and dun wish to bother at all and lead my own life.. but is tat possible? friends who r close to me noes me better than anyone else.. haIZ..

anyway i am currently attached with a guy call alson.. ppl who duno me well might think i am just letting my emotions get the better of me cos of the things happening around.. but friends who really knows me will be able to understand and tat's all i have to say.
no matter how my friends might say or think of me, this is the guy who have walked with me thru all these while.. who stood by me when i was down and spent crazy times with me.. who tears in his heart when i cries, who laughs with me when i am happy and mad..

just wanna say thanks to him, my dear who have been emotionally supporting me and being there for me.. loveya..

i have started a new chapter of my life... my previous chapter has ended and is kept away far in my heart and mind as memories.. it has been very memorable as alot of things have happened and i have finally woke up from my dream.. a dream which is so sweet and wonderful.. things that i nv think i would be able to experience.. thanks to my ex.

right now, my life is back to pieces where i need to face my family and everything all over again.. i can no longer hide and its time for me to face up to reality... i got to know a new group of friends whom i have known for only a short time but yet alot has happened.. alot of friendships have been affected and my friendship with one of my best friend of 7-8 yrs has been greatly affected...

i know and understand tat all my friendships have somehow drifted apart as we are in a different world and lifestyle.. i myself have also chose to drift away as i need time to pick myself up again... i have lost myself these few years.. i wanna find my own happiness and cheerful self.. one who laughs and pass my happiness around.. =)

*p.s take care all my dear friends.. no matter where am i, i still misses u alot but i just need time to get up and find myself again..

my life is in a mess which is caused and created by me.. i am a total mess with nothing but loads of shit!